How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.