Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.