I got chris browned last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.