Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off