Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position