His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.