new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years