I'm so fucking centered right now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."