She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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