I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
