Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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