i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
