There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
