if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
