You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
