i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
