please come you make the beer taste better
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
