Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
