She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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