My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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