would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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