margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
