Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
