By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
