when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
