Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
