if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
