Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
