My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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