while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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