Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish there were birth control emojis
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
