She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize