what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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