Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
