you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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