I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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