I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
