so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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