is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
