We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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