my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Enjoy the penises
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
