it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
