i just made my gag reflex go away.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
