i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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