with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
