It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
