I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
