did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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