garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
