On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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