I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
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How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
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if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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