I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
