I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
