JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
