they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just tell him i said nine months
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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