Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
