Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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