she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
