Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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