ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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