I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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