So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
