She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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