The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
