dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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