Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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