6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think your dad took our porno
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
