My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
