Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
